Thursday, January 1, 2015

Mom, are we there yet?


   

Parents worldwide are reinventing the notion of family trips by logging hundreds of adventuresome days and miles across the Globe with only a backpack. Are children better off in a swinging hammock or sleeping in a cozy, predictable bed?

 
Imagine being 15 and waking up in a tent, your dad gently humming while studying a map, your mom chopping fresh bananas over peanut butter sandwiches. Mid yawn, distant elephant trumpets break the silence. Finally, your brain catches up with a shocking, yet exciting reality. You are in a South African national park, just one electric fence away from hundreds of wild animals. That’s probably what happened to Miles Maurer, a ninth grader from Flagstaff, AZ, who embarked on a 10-month trip around the world along with his adventurous parents and 12 year old sister. 


Their project is hardly unique. More and more parents are putting a spin on traditional family trips, by driving, biking and even sailing across the Globe. But the bravest thing of all is taking their kids on board. Sometimes, as many as 9 kids are along for the adventure, like in the case of this so-called "full-time RVing" family.

What do these families have in common? Blogs. A large part of their journey is documented via online diaries with moms being the main storytellers. Though they are willing to share their struggles with road-schooling or a tight budget, other troubles remain private.  How long, for instance, can a child last living on the road, before home-sickness strikes? What do you do when he or she longs for a best friend? Or worse, when they’re sick and you’re camped in an Asian remote village?

Most nomad parents like to think of these as rare occurrences; nothing can diminish the importance of equipping kids with valuable lessons and physical skills.

Maurers are no exception. 

When the family was featured in this New York Times article, a couple of months ago, Miles mentioned that “it’s much more impacting to learn about the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia than in class”. “It’s difficult to disagree”, writes Seth Kugel, the author.
And it sure is, especially with a bunch of studies showing kids who travel do better in life. Keith Bellows, editor in chief of National Geographic Traveler magazine, went so far as to say “the passport is the new diploma”.
 
They are all, to a great extent, right. Watching zebras on a iPad, in a regular classroom, doesn’t measure up to observing these wild animals from the window of a Land Rover, a staple activity during African safaris. But it’s a whole lot safer.

For every study out there reinforcing the importance of traveling for child development, there are also legitimate threats lurking at every step of an international expedition. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention mentions abduction, infectious diseases – Malaria, Yellow Fever- and let's not forget about natural catastrophes such as tornadoes or tsunamis.

                                                         

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Sailors Eric and Charlotte Kaufman learned it the hard way. They needed to be rescued earlier this year, while sailing from Mexico to New Zeeland, after their youngest daughter Lyra, age 1, became seriously ill and the boat’s power and steering malfunctioned. According to the New York Times, “the rescue involved three state and federal agencies and had California Air National Guardsmen parachuting from airplanes into open waters”.

The joy of being alive was shadowed by a major public backlash for putting daughters in danger. However, a handful of parents stood up for them.

One woman named Diane Selkirk wrote an article for Slate.com explaining how traveling offered context for better education in case of her own daughter. “At 12 years of age, Maia’s now put in more sea hours than shopping hours and is more familiar with the stars in the sky than the ones in the tabloids. She’s graceful and self-assured, in no small part because of her unconventional childhood,” describes Diane, a Canadian writer and photographer. She goes on giving examples of other fellow travel bloggers whose lives on water seem to follow a Hollywood script. However, between blissful recollections, a bitter memory slips: “One night, when Maia was 8, a weather bomb hit our Mexican anchorage”.

Is the whole “self-development” thing worth the risk then?

Every bit, says Diane. “Yes, there is risk involved in daring to show her the world—but the alternative, the one where we never share our passions with our child and never show her the value in pursuing her own, seems far more dangerous”, she concludes. 

Perhaps, this all or nothing mentality is what endangers children going on a world tour the most. A mild form of “helicopter parenting”, attempts to control a kid’s experiences come from a place of fear. Fear that by staying at home they’re missing out precious moments. Yet, at times, what children really need is some more laid back parents and a “Life of Pi” DVD to explore the world from the safety of their bedrooms.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Is the Christmas feeling slowly dying?


For some, the robust scent of a pine tree alone is enough to get catapult right into the Christmas mood. It happens to all of us, only the trigger varies. It’s also probably the reason we have such a hard time encapsulating it in a broader definition. There is, though, one thing we can all agree on. The so-called “Christmas feeling” often brings to the surface small fragment of recollections from childhood years. Your dad breaking up a sweat over that rusty tree stand; the excitement of your siblings around presents; mom’s traditional fruit cake plus the tummy ache that usually followed it.

But in the recent years, a collective fear of losing this comforting feeling has been built up and many fingers are pointed at extreme commercialization of this holy holiday. Scientists confirm this theory. 

Photo Source

According to a 2013 Pew Research Center study conducted among a sample of 2,000 adults, 33% of Americans are bothered by the materialism of Christmas and constant pressure to spend money on gifts. There’s plenty of evidence that retailers push the start of Christmas shopping season earlier each year. At this pace, stockings will be displayed on shelves in June and by August the malls will be playing carols.

But is it really fair to hold a grudge against retail giants for sucking the joy out of a religious celebration? As this Slate article explains, they have been way ahead of “Christmas Rush” since Victorian era (the period of Queen Victoria's reign from 1837 to 1901). "KEEP IT IN MIND! It is needless to remind you that CHRISTMAS IS COMING, But we want everybody who intends purchasing CHRISTMAS PRESENTS to comprehend that we are now all ready ... ", read a Nov. 19, 1885, ad by South Carolina retailer Wilhite & Wilhite. That was over a hundred years ago.

So sure, the pressure to splurge more is real, but is not the only hitch. Ironically, people fail to remember what the whole point of Christmas is - even as they hung a baby Jesus decoration in their Christmas tree or fill out their Pinterest boards with DIY angel crafts. Doing so gets them in the “mood”, they believe. 

Other thing that seems to do the trick? Being religious. According to a more recent Pew Research Center study, “Americans who attend religious services regularly are more enthusiastic about the various activities associated with the holiday season than are those who attend worship services less often”. Unfortunately, not many benefit from this
The previous year, Pew psychologists concluded: merely 51 percent of Americans viewed Christmas as more of a religious holiday than cultural. In other words, they don’t go to church or pray much. 


Also, only a small fraction of Christmas traditions had been passed on to the current generation. “Fewer Americans say they will send holiday cards this year than say their families typically did this when they were children. The share of people who plan to go caroling this year also is lower than the share who says they typically did so as children. And while about seven-in-ten Americans say they typically attended Christmas Eve or Christmas Day religious services when they were children, 54% say they plan to attend Christmas services this year”, show the researchers. 
On top of this, adults “like to believe they believed in Santa longer that they actually did,” writes Atlantic journalist, Olga Khazan referring to an AP poll from 2011. 


In the process of growing up, it seems, the holiday’s spirit wore off – kids nowadays know more about Santa then they know about God. But hope is peeking through all this gloomy statistics – and it involves sugary treats. As two Danish researchers found out in 2012, Christmas spirit is not just a “Hallmark holiday” side-effect. “This feeling arises even without pharmacological assistance, although consumption of pastries and hot drinks help sustain that feeling, the authors mention.

It sounds like a trip to your local Dunkin' Donuts may be required to get you into a jolly mood. Just make sure to bring the whole family with you.

In their 2002 essay called “What Makes for A Merry Christmas?” psychologists Tim Kasser and Kennon M. Sheldon locked closely at how people respond to different Christmas activities – like spending time with family, decorating a tree, shopping – and measure their happiness levels. Turns out, “people who focus on the materialistic aspects of the season are probably less involved with the family and religious experiences that could bring them greater joy." More than that, Kasser and Sheldon say, going for materialistic goals is more stressful, not to mention little rewarding. Interestingly enough, being Eco-friendly offers us more joy.We found that individuals who engaged in more environmentally friendly consumption behaviors were more satisfied during the holiday”.

The takeaway is pretty clear: “Christmas feeling” comes as a result of a conscious effort of being more emotionally and spiritually engaged. It’s OK to indulge in fancy gifts, but don’t put Amazon or eBay at the core of your Christmas spirit. Do things which comfort the heart. Say a prayer, give a hug, pay for someone’s meal, have a snowball fight, reread with your kids the story of baby Jesus. Be truly merry.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

The free time dillema. Are we doing it wrong?


Whenever I catch myself watching TV or browsing the Internet on my days off, I can’t help but feel like I'm smashing with a hammer a very precious cargo. Most days I end up wasting time trying to figure out what to do with it. It has to be something meaningful and intelligent with just the right amount of fun, that would leave me feeling both productive and refreshed.

Nine times out of ten, weekends exhaust me more than the work week in itself.
Those two days are jam-packed with workouts, reading sessions, museum and theater visits. To top it off, my husband and I split cleaning and meal preparation duties. There are days though, when all I want is to linger in bed, binge-watch TV shows on Netflix and eat Twinkies. Here’s the rub: they turn me into a ball of anxiety. How can this add value to my life? Am I properly nourishing my intellect? Maybe I should read a book or do some strength training instead; I heard it can prevent osteoporosis. Apparently, this is a common issue among people of my age.

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After seeing their parents making poor decision about pretty much everything from health to finances, Millennials, those born between 1982 and 2004, don’t allow themselves to take breaks from self-development.

At times, it may seem all they do is stare at a smartphone, but studies show they are avid readers as well, with an average of ten books devoured per year. Additionally, they love to max out free time by traveling. According to a nationwide survey by PGAV Destinations called “Meet the Millennials”, 58% say they travel for leisure with friends – 20 percent more than older generations. Knowledge is once again factored in when planning for a trip. “They do not take leisure trips ‘just because,’ but are looking for something that resonates with their need to make a difference,” explains Mike Konzen, Principal, PGAV Destinations.

Dress codes are the only reason Millennials tend to shy away from museums. “They don’t know if it’s appropriate to wear jeans,” said Meryl Levitz of the Greater Philadelphia Tourism Marketing Corporation in a Forbes article.

But no matter how enlightening such activities can be, regardless of age, our brains sometimes demand a hefty dose of plain old fun. Researchers from Direct Line Insurance discovered that, in order to be happy, we need seven hours of free time a day. Since this doesn’t jibe with real-life hectic schedules, they came up with a more flexible plan. It allows for one hour of TV watching, 18 minutes each for checking social media and online perusing plus a little over an hour of extra personal time. In other words, you truly can have your cake and eat it too.

Besides, playtime is not only enjoyable, but crucial for emotional development since early childhood. Peter Gray, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at Boston College thinks that “adults who did not have the opportunity to experience moderately challenging emotional situations during play are more at risk for feeling anxious and overwhelmed by emotion-provoking situations in adult life”.

The U.S. hourly payment system doesn’t do much to ease adulthood's angst about off days. “Time is money”, a saying deeply ingrained in our collective belief system, urges us to be productive even when we should take it easy.

Women, especially, have trouble enjoying their leisure time. “The meaning of free time for men and women are quite different. Among mothers, free time may be too entangled with care-giving to be the ‘pause that refreshes,’” thinks Liana Sayer, assistant professor of sociology at Ohio State University and co-author of the study about gender differences regarding free time perception.

Conversely, in the last decade, more and more companies started to adopt friendly time management policies to avoid overworking their employees. Hubspot, Ask.com or Glasdoor, for example, offer unlimited vacation days to their workers. Others, like Expensify, spoil employees with exotic trips to expensive retreats and let’s not forget about Boogie; they embraced the 4-days work week model. These kinds of perks translates in low levels of stress and better productivity, which goes to show relaxation is a necessity, not a whim.

So what’s the best way to spend free time anyway? One must turn to psychologist in order to find the answer. Their latest discoveries speak volumes: go to concerts, trips, take piano lessons; invest in experiences. An article publish in the journal Psychological Science in September revealed that experiences bring people more happiness than possessions, in part thanks to the anticipation factor. “You can think about waiting for a delicious meal at a nice restaurant and how different that feels from waiting for, say, your pre-ordered iPhone to arrive," the authors explained.

Basically, what they are saying is, next time you have some free time on your hands, use it wisely. Go out and do something you think would make a great memory one month or five years from now.