Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Soul mates, but clashing personalities


If my marriage would be run through the love algorithms used by Match.com and other popular dating websites, a blaring alarm would go off and the whole system would instantly crash. I wish it was an exaggeration.

Truth is, we are not, by any artificial intelligence standards - or human for that matter - a match made in heaven. What we really are is the mismatched pair of socks a five-year old would pull out from underneath his bed.

I am a creative soul; he’s a man of numbers. My coffee is an elaborate concoction of syrups and spices; his has nothing but a sprinkle of sugar.
Even choosing a Redbox movie triggers a huge debate. It’s the exact reason why our kitchen cabinets are covered in Post-its; to help us keep track whose turn it is to make date night plans. On the rare occasions we achieve a Vulcan mind meld; it’s usually over big topics, like finances.

Photo Source

Our contrastive nature is even mentioned in the astrology books, who warn about perils of an Aries-Scorpio romantic alliance.
But here’s the thing: we like it just the way it is. Our close to ten years relationship was built on something more than identical Starbucks orders and similar cinematographic preferences.

Instead, we tirelessly fill each other’s sails. Which, I’ve discovered, sums up pretty much every “How to keep your marriage humming” article out there. It was he who gave me a pep talk and got me to open a blog in English. It was he who cheered me as I was battling anorexia. And while his gestures may reflect devotion, the concept behind them has a name open to interpretations: “self-expansion”

People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self. If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied.”, says Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey in his study of how individuals use a relationship for personal development.
Nitpickers would dismiss the idea as being selfish. And while they may not be entirely wrong, I take comfort in knowing that our couple is the glitch in the highly praised online love formula.


Finally, something my husband and I can both agree on.
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